miss america

It's not a word that I use often: smarmy. It takes a special kind of person to bring it out. But if anyone deserves it, it is surely this separated-at-birth dimpled duo: from-the-womb p-hound Mario Lopez and Hollywood's latest dirty boy Eddie Cibrian, subject of a feature in the latest issue of In Touch, which talks about an alleged affair he had with a model/bartender named Scheana (pictures included!)—while he was having a tryst with country singer LeAnn Rimes.

But who is the smarmier of the two? Let's look at the startling yet conclusive evidence:

The Mexican Ken doll that is Mario Lopez took the stage at Planet Hollywood-Las Vegas on Saturday night for his second stint as host of the Miss America pageant. Considering that the legendary dog-in-heat was surrounded by 52 women and that he was forced to look into the camera on live TV and say that the swimsuit competition was really a chance for the girls to showcase their “commitment to health, fitness and confidence” without falling out laughing, Mario didn’t do too bad. Still, there were some very embarrassing Mario moments. Here are the top four:

Believe it or not, Miss America still happens every year and some people even watch it. Not us, not even when the cheesy and delicious Mario Lopez is hosting. Or will we? It all depends on whether Dimples takes my advice (emailed to his people yesterday) on how to make me watch.