Lindsay Lohan, Fat Joe, and My Divisional Picks

0-4. That’s how well I would've done if I had made picks for last week’s Wildcard games. Atlanta’s offense looked more balanced than Arizona’s; betting against Peyton Manning seemed about as smart as asking Lindsay Lohan to baby sit your kids; the Eagles were due to get run over by Adrian Peterson; and Miami over Baltimore…well, I’m a Dolphins fan, so let’s chalk that one up to blind, foolish love.

So, what would any sensible human do after putting up a fat donut over Wildcard Weekend? Make picks for the Divisional round and post them publicly, of course.

Tennessee Titans vs. Baltimore Ravens
On paper they’re harder to tell apart than the clown bank robbers from the beginning of The Dark Knight. Both have scary-good defenses, strong running games, and offenses that at times look more futile than Fat Joe trying to do crunches. All that being said, I’m picking Tennessee, and for no other reason than the Ravens O showed me nothing against Miami. Even with the help of five turnovers, ridiculous field position AND a defensive touchdown, Joe Flacco and Co. still couldn’t put the game away until the end of the fourth quarter. What should have been a blowout stayed competitive because of Baltimore’s inability to score. The Titans run the ball better than Miami and play better defense. Look for Tennessee to wear down the Ravens with backs Chris Johnson (1,128 yards, 9 TDs) and LenDale White (773 yards, 15 TDs) and dominate the Ravens offense with a “If You Had Trouble Against Miami Wait to See Us” defense.
Final Score: Titans 13, Ravens 7

Arizona Cardinals vs. Carolina Panthers
I have two reasons why I want to pick Arizona over Carolina. First, the Cardinals dusted off Edgerrin James and actually established a run game. Second, they answered some questions defensively by shutting down the league’s second leading rusher, Michael Turner (18 carries, 42 yards in last week’s game). Despite those reasons I still can’t pull the trigger on Arizona. During the regular season, the Cardinals stunk it up on the road (3-5) and six of their nine wins came against the “We Might Not Be Better Than the Pac-10” NFC West. On the other hand, Carolina dominated at home (8-0) and won a division where the last place team (New Orleans Saints, 8-8) posted a better record than the West’s second best squad (San Fran, 7-9). Let’s factor in two more things: the Panther’s rushing attack of DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart, ranked third in the NFL, will be a little tougher to stop than a solo Mike Turner; and, more importantly, the Card’s co-best player, Anquan Boldin, might not play and if he does he won’t be 100%.
Final Score: Carolina 27, Arizona 14

New York Giants vs. Philadelphia Eagles
I hate the old cliché, “when these two teams get together you can throw out the record books,” but…in a game like the Eagles versus the Giants it’s kind of true. When teams know each other as well as division foes do it all comes down to schemes. In other words, which coach can better exploit the weaknesses of a team that he plays twice a year every year. If we judge the Giants/Eagles game by play calling and strategy, I give the edge to the G-Men’s Tom Coughlin. Eagles Defensive Coodinator Jim Johnson almost changes my vote, but from an all-around perspective Coughlin runs a better team than Andy Reid. Don’t underestimate the importance of a fatigue factor too. For weeks, the Giants seem like they’ve been resting and preparing for this game, while the Eagles had to do everything other than give Roger Goodell a foot massage just to get into the playoffs. Donovan McNabb only has so many good games in him per season (just ask Philly fans) and Brian Westbrook can only sustain so many hits. Meanwhile, Eli’s past the “My Best Wide Receiver Just Shot Himself in the Leg” yips and the Giant’s running and defense are always strong. Expect a close one.
Final Score: Giants 20, Eagles 17

San Diego Chargers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
The easiest call of the Divisional Playoffs (sorry, Chargers fans). Let’s just look at the facts: San Diego won the weakest division in the conference (NFC West); their leading rusher and best player might have a detached muscle in his groin (LaDainian Tomlinson); and the guy who more or less won the Indy game for them probably couldn’t get on most of the rides at Magic Mountain (Darren Sproles). I love the Sproles story as much as anyone else, but I fear for the little man’s life against the Steelers hard-hitting defense. Speaking of D, Pittsburgh ranks number one in overall yards allowed and passing yards allowed, and number two in rushing yards allowed. As for Ben Roethlisberger’s concussion issues, they could cart him out there like Professor X and I’d still take Pittsburgh’s defense, playing at home in the cold, against a banged-up West Coast team.
Final Score: Steelers 19, Chargers 6