'Transformers Revenge' Falls Flat

Let me start by saying, I don't care how much praise Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci have received for penning the overrated new Star Trek film, these guys clearly don’t know what they’re doing. Sure, they were following Michael Bay's lead while scripting this thing, yet even though he is the director, you cannot hold him entirely responsible for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’s mediocre story. Two years after the events of the first film the heroic Autobots have formed an alliance with the U.S. military, hunting down stray Decepticons who have been hiding on Earth since the destruction of their vicious leader Megatron. But the Decepticons have already set dark and sinister plans in motion. Megatron is not the Autobots' greatest threat, but his master, The Fallen, an evil being who looks like a robotic version of H.R. Giger's Alien and sounds like Candyman. Maybe that's because he's been given the voice of genre actor Tony Todd, whose once sinister timbre barely raises a hair on your arm. The Fallen was part of a race of Transformers who visited the Earth a millennia before and unbeknownst to the human race are a part of its history. They seek a great destructive power source and the only means to locate it are hidden within the mind of Shia LaBeouf's Sam Witwicky.

LaBeouf is a talented actor who has been able to hold his own with the likes of Harrison Ford, Billy Bob Thornton and Jon Voight (who wisely opted out this time), but at times his performances can be erratic. He was rather terrible in the first film, because he took the term “hormonal teenager” to the extreme. The film made the mistake of devoting screen time to him rather than focusing on the Transformers, who became guest stars in their own movie. His performance this time around is a lot worse. His parents (Kevin Dunn and Julie White) are even more obnoxious and embarrassing, he's been given the typical motor-mouthed ethnically offensive sidekick (Ramon Rodriguez) and for some reason he still can't say those three little words to his girlfriend Mikaela. That may come as a shock to some since she's played once again by Megan Fox, who has become a teen idol merely by showing her cleavage and wearing lip gloss. (Gratuitous Fox pic below!)

Much of this sequel is a chase film. The Decepticons chase Sam and the Autobots protect and defend him. He runs from college to New York, New Jersey, the Smithsonian and finally the pyramids in Egypt. Sounds like a smooth scenic trip when in actuality it’s a bumpy ride. To add insult to injury, there are some characters who are so poorly conceived that you question the sanity of the writers. Forget the fact that The Fallen sounds like a Harlem pimp, we're also given Rodriguez' character that screams like a girl and embarrasses the Latino community and two Autobot twins who talk jive and are constantly feuding! Is Bay intentionally trying to offend Black and Latino audiences or does he think directing the Bad Boys movies gives him a pass?

I will admit, that certain elements made me smile, such as voice actor Peter Cullen's iconic characterization of my childhood hero Optimus Prime, as well as his and Bumblebee's heroism and ability to kick serious ass. I wanted to see giant robots beat the crap out of each other and there's more of that here than in the first film. But all of it feels like nothing without some substance to back it up which makes me feel nothing for this movie at all. Never thought I'd say it, but something as lame looking as that other Hasbro film G.I. Joe now looks better than this, but I've been fooled before.—Ron Henriques

Latino Review Rating: C-